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Online Dating 101: How to get a girl’s attention with a killer first message

We’ve all heard the wise old adages about first impressions, how important they are, and science backs this up.

young Chinese girlsAnd in the lightning-round world of online dating, you often get even less time to evaluate and be evaluated by potential dates than you would in the real world. Swipe left, swipe right–these actions take place in the lizard brain, long before the mammalian brain of logic and thought kicks in.

So the question is then, how do we craft our profiles and our messages in such a way that we get the lizard brain response from girls that we desire? (Which is a yes, obviously, if you weren’t paying attention.)

And the first step in this process is obviously the first step. So how do you go about crafting that perfect opening message that’s going to get a girl to respond?

Well lucky for you, in this day and age of granular data available on the internet, we can look at several studies that have broken down what works and what doesn’t in terms of opening salvos in the dating wars. Here are a few tips based on an analysis of over 500,000 first messages on dating sites, correlated with the response they received.

  • Know how to read and write – One of the biggest turnoffs it seems from parsing the data of first messages and their responses was people using bad grammar, bad spelling and worst of all, “netspeak.” Shortcut test message words like “u, ur, r, luv, and ya” prove to be incredibly annoying when they are part of a first message. Even if you’re trying to impress young Chinese girls with your hip and edgy use of net slang, you won’t get very far, according to the data. Also, if you know yourself to be a bad speller, take the time to compose your message first in a word document and use spellcheck turned on, then copy and paste it into the dating site message where it might have a chance of turning her on!
  • online dating(Don’t) Get physical – Physical compliments in a first message turn out to be a huge turn-off, and if you think about it, you can kind of see why. If you’re looking at profiles of sexy Chinese women for hours and find one you really like, and the first thing out of your mouth (or across your keyboard) is, “Wow, you’re one of the most beautiful Chinese girls I’ve ever seen!” she isn’t likely to take that as much of a compliment so much as a creeper line. Stick with compliments about her interests (see below). The words “awesome, fascinating, and cool” all proved very popular.
  • Break the ice in a different way – simply saying “hi” or “hey” and leaving it at that is of course out. But did you know that starting your message with a slightly unusual greeting can contribute to getting you more dates? Messages that began with either, “how’s it going,” “what’s up,” or “howdy” scored huge responses. Informal seems to be the way to go.
  • Bring up her interests – Referencing something that was important enough that your new love on that Asian dating site mentioned it in her profile is huge plus. It shows you can talk about something they like, first of all, that you have interest in getting to know them better, and that you actually read their profile, which a big plus too.

Overall, if you use some common sense, combined with the information here, you should be able to seriously up your online dating game. Now get out there and craft some killer messages of your own!