No, you’re not 6’4: why you should avoid lying on your dating profile, and how you can avoid it

Everybody fibs. It’s just human nature.

Fishermen’s tales of “the one that got away,” teen boys and their mythical summertime girlfriends who happen to live very far away, any story that begins with some variation on: “Well my cousin’s friend’s brother knew this one guy who…”

All of these are just things we do. All of us. We deny it, but there it is. It’s just human nature.

But one place online datingwhere lies seem to bloom from tiny acorns into mighty oak trees is the internet. Everyone you meet online is a black belt in karate, everyone was once in the CIA or Special Forces and everyone is an entrepreneur with a Lamborghini in the garage of their summer home. And online dating is one of the worst places to witness this cringe-worthy human tendency.

A recent article illustrates in a series of sharply rendered, clear and concise charts and graphs all the various ways people lie in their online profiles, and the results are stunning.

One big surprise was the women: they lie nearly as much as men! And often about the same things–women lie about their height and income nearly as much as men. So you can go on a Chinese dating site and find not only the prospective men, but the women as well lying about how tall they are and how much money they make. What gives?

Another interesting tidbit was that the older people get, the more likely they are to lie on their dating profile. It all comes down to market forces, if you will: we all want to appear more attractive to a potential mate, and if, for instance, you are searching for Asian brides on a popular Chinese women dating site, you tend to preen and fluff your feathers a bit, in order to draw attention to yourself. Especially if yo
u’re a little older, a little fatter, a little more of a television-watcher than a bookworm, who can blame you if you fudge the truth a bit?

And ladies, I hate to break it to you, but for some of y’all out there “curvy” does NOT mean what you think it does.

We’re all swimming in the same sordid sea on this.

Chinese womenOkay, so we’re all lying to each other. We’ve established that. Now what? What’s the right thing to do?

First of all, stay away from the big lies. If you’re 5’7 and you post on your profile that you’re 6’1, you aren’t going to get a lot of second dates, even from a Chinese dating site stocked with tremendously short Chinese women. One rule of thumb might be to keep the lies–let’s call them exaggerations instead–aspirational, rather than physical.

You’re not going to get any taller, so leave that one alone. But you can make yourself more attractive in other ways.

Read a book. Start a book even, and put on your profile that you have started it.

Get out, and get some new pictures taken. For one thing, pictures that show you doing fun, funny, adventurous things. Another surprising statistic from OKCupid was how old the profile pictures were for people who are–you guessed it–older.

Make something new happen for yourself. Go take a selfie somewhere strange. Better yet go out on a day adventure with a buddy and get him or her to snap some goofy pics of you playing, in the museum, at the park, out hiking, whatever.

Let’s assume you’re never going to be able to make yourself 6’4.

You can at least make yourself more fun!

Victoria

Victoria Young is a Chinese woman who blogs about dating chinese woman and how to deal with intercultural differences in a Chinese-Western relationship.

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