How to Define the Relationship When You Are Dating a Chinese Girl?

If you are dating a Chinese girl for quite some time now, you must be already thinking of ways on how to define the relationship (DTR). Some people dread this “next level talk” as it may ruin what they think they already have while others brace themselves just to be clear with where the relationship is heading.

Defining the relationship is not as simple as ABC. It needs to surmount many levels of fear and self-doubt. This talk is crucial in understanding what you both have; hence, you must lay your cards on the table and do a little bit of planning out. This article may help you seal the deal with the pretty Chinese woman you are dating.

chinese beautyWhat is a DTR?

DTR is an acronym for the phrase Define the Relationship; this is the stage where two people talk about the status of their relationship and where it is going to next. Some say that this stage is when people decide to stop seeing or communicating with other people and start a monogamous relationship.

This is important especially for a Chinese girl who still sees dating as a serious implication for marriage. Many Chinese ladies still try to preserve the pristine Chinese dating culture.

The result of “the talk”, however, doesn’t necessarily make or break the deal. Sometimes, both parties may agree to continue the casual hook-up without labels.

Why is it Important?

Whether you found your Chinese girl through online dating for singles, still there is a need for a serious talk with regard to what you two have. Defining the relationship may be a bit awkward and unpleasant especially if you are thinking only of a casual hook-up. Serious emotional talks or conversations about the future may be a taboo for you or your partner. These are some of the reasons you and your partner need to have “the talk”.

  1. Kind of an Assurance

Philippine Women,Philippino girl,

Having the talk will make you or your partner feel a sense of assurance that your relationship is not just a plaything. It helps you know what to expect and move forward with a sense of security.

  1. Understand the Relationship

Defining the relationship will help you or the other person comprehend your relationship as regards to what you both want, where you stand, what you are allowed to do, and so on. It also helps both parties have clear expectations of the relationship especially with Chinese brides who are dating with marriage at the back of their minds. This will also avoid misconceptions with regard to investment of feelings and effort.

  1. A Healthy Relationship

When you want to define the relationship, you also need to define your boundaries. If you two decide to be in a monogamous relationship, then you should clearly set things straight.  This talk is a practical talk all in all to have a healthy relationship.

How to define the relationship without damaging what you currently have?

Once you deem the importance of having a relationship-defining talk with your Chinese girl, then you must know how to do it without ruining what the two of you have. Here are some ways on how to do “the talk”:

  1. pretty Chinese womanStart the talk with the right note

If you want to set things straight with the Chinese dating free, then you must do it at a calm and easy pace that won’t make her run away. You can use conversation starters like “I love spending time with you” and “I feel lucky that you gave me a chance to get to know you better” to start on the right foot. Telling her directly “We need to talk” may make her feel threatened.

  1. Don’t do it when you are overly emotional.

Alcohol may jam up your emotions and cloud up your decisions; thus, don’t do it when you are drunk or you are overly emotional. Your Chinese girl may not take the conversation seriously or worse, she will believe that everything is a lie.

  1. Talk to her personally

Even if you just met her through China video chat, still it is ideal to seal the relationship by talking to her in person. She will most likely appreciate your effort of traveling miles just to express your intentions with her.

  1. Talk about the relationship.

When you DTR, lay down all your cards on the table, like how you want to label your relationship and what you expect from it. You must also talk about the limitations in your relationship, like if you are still allowed to see other people and most especially sexual boundaries.

  1. Clearly state what you want from the relationship.

More often than not, men and women tend to brush aside what they really want in the relationship because of the fear of scaring the other person away; however, this will just eventually lead you to hurt the other person. It is best to clearly state what you want in the relationship: the dos and don’ts.

Single women dating may still entertain other suitors, so it is best to put the record straight. This will also help avoid misconceptions with regard to the relationship, which might just eventually lead you to hurt each other.

Final Thoughts

Engaging in a DTR with your Chinese gal may make or break what you two currently have; however, it is worth all the risk as long as you know you are both on the same page. Your relationship-defining talk may help you know if both of you share the same plans for the future or you need to do away with the “relationship” and start moving on.asian girls


Victoria Young is a Chinese woman who blogs about dating chinese woman and how to deal with intercultural differences in a Chinese-Western relationship.

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